dysfunctional family fuckery

So in my dysfunctional extended family, my stepsister is mad at me for some imagined slight about three years ago. I mean, I guess there was an actual slight, but I was pretty pissed at her for things she said. Anyway, it's why whenever I visit my stepfather, I stay in a hotel and I just see him at a restaurant or visiting the assisted living place that my mom used to live in.

So it had been my habit to call him every week, maybe a little more often. In August, he answered the phone and was very confused and said "I'm getting old", by which he meant that he was feeling his age much more than he has been, feeling bad, having difficulty moving and thinking. Anyway, he said goodbye pretty much immediately. When I called him a few days later he seemed to be in better shape, and we had a more normal conversation. But then I got call from my stepbrother (with whom I have a more normal relationship), who said that things were going downhill fast.

I tried to call at a time when his hired help (same person who took care of my mom before she went into assisted living) would be available, to try to get more details on what does "downhill fast" mean. But she wouldn't talk to me. Either because healthcare privacy, or maybe because my stepsister told her to not talk to me, she did not say why, she just said "I can't give you any details". So I asked her if she thought he would still be alive if I were to visit in three weeks. She hemmed and hawed and didn't really answer the question, but I got the idea that it was more likely than not that he would be alive. This caused my stepsister to call me and tell me that I was not welcome to visit.

After that, my stepfather's phone went straight to voicemail. Blocked? Maybe not, I tried from a lot of different numbers, so maybe it was just off. Then my stepbrother was radio silence because his girlfriend's father is also doing very badly and in some ways he's not all that reliable anyway. So I tried reaching out to some other people, who also didn't return my calls or my texts, and I was pretty panicky about the whole thing. I finally got through to a couple of people, who said that they hadn't heard anything about three weeks to live, or who had heard it, but had gone and visited and didn't believe it when faced with the walking and talking man himself.

My stepbrother came back from radio silence and apologized for leaving me hanging, and it's possible that he will try to facilitate a phone call with my stepfather next time he visits. I hope so.

I'm obviously not happy about the "not welcome to visit" thing, but I imagine that stepchildren have no rights. I think if I could get my stepfather to say that he wants me to visit in the hearing of my stepbrother that maybe I could force the issue. I did have a really lovely visit in May when he was in the rehab place. It's sort of weird that I'm kind of hoping he gets into a situation where he has to go back to rehab, because maybe I could come visit then, because I wouldn't have to go into my stepsister's house.

So that's the news from California, where I do not have any trips planned.